Ke’Yonna Hall is a social worker and community organizer in Mansfield, Tex.
For many single mothers, Father’s Day can be a poignant reminder that they are parenting alone. But in our home, this day takes on a different meaning: It is a chance to honor and celebrate the diverse men who step in to fill fatherly roles in my sons’ lives — the men who support, love and guide my boys.
I had two sons 11 months apart, and some days have been undeniably hard. One walking, one crawling. One potty-training, one in diapers. One talking, one mumbling. They have been a joy, but after my split from their dad, I sulked. I held on to feelings of hopelessness, unworthiness and anger. I worried the boys would feel a void.
Then one evening, my own bonus dad invited me out for dinner. He acknowledged the great job I was doing alone and praised how well-mannered and smart the boys are, how much light they bring to his life. He helped me realize how my feelings were overshadowing the ways he and other men were showing up for us.
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Yes, I often think life would be easier with a spouse present to share the load of two busy toddlers (not to mention working full time, juggling graduate studies and contending with one son’s epilepsy). But many remarkable “uncles” are helping me raise them.
Uncle Fred, a dad of four, video-calls my boys every Thursday. Uncle Christian, a truck driver, visits whenever he’s in town, playing the role of co-disciplinarian and DJ for freeze-dance sessions. Uncle Theron, their only biological uncle, guides them through milestones such as potty training and accompanies them for haircuts. Uncle Bobby, with his dreads, teaches them to love their natural hair, while Uncle Tonio engages them in endless pretend play. Uncle Cedric, despite his own health challenges, includes my sons in his plans and supports us in many ways. Uncle Avery, their barber, and the men in his shop are also integral to our village. And then there is PaPa, their granddad, who extends the same unconditional love to my sons that he gave to my brother and me.
This village supports me, too. I am able to show my sons that asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength. They see that family is defined by love and commitment. The men in their lives teach them about kindness, integrity and perseverance.
This Father’s Day, my heart swells with gratitude. To all the men who have stepped in and stepped up — thank you. You are shaping my boys into the men they will become.
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